“Remember, why Google when you can speculate? Keep the conversation interesting. Let the dick who needs to be right ruin the party with his “facts.” And don’t be afraid to wing it and then get out. Dump some bullshit into somebody’s head and get out. Let them work on it. It’s not on you. You don’t have to get it right. Just make it interesting.”—Marc Maron, from WTF with Marc Maron episode 451
Well I did answer this one but, my immediate has changed since then. I’m listening to Laura Marling’s fucking fantastic record “Once I was an Eagle” in my yearly year-end effort to catch up on all the music I ignored this year.
45. Is your life anything like it was two years ago?
Yeah probably. I mean, Brooklyn isn’t Oneonta, and I’m working full time instead of going to school, but so many people I know from school I see all the time and at that point in my life I was pretty much ignoring all of my school work and doing whatever the fuck I wanted anyway that it doesn’t feel all that different. I’m more anxious than I was then. You can get to the top in school, but when you cross the threshold into reality you don’t ever get to be the top unless you fabricate the situation and then it feels, you know, fabricated.
(I’m still working through this idea, take it for the raw emotional bullshit that it is).
65. Weird thing you do when you’re alone.
Another one? God I don’t know. I’m not “alone” alone that often. My alone moments are on like, trains and shit.
109. Do you have someone you can be your complete self around?
Yeah, I can think of a couple of people. The people I’ve lived with get a good glimpse of the raw 100% “me-ness” I can be for sure. Living with me is a good way to be that person because you’ll likely become the substitute for that hypothetical antithesis version of me that I argue with when I’m on a bender of a thought hole. I know if I called Marina more like I know I should, I could always be my complete self.
186. Share a song that takes you to a certain memory in the past.
I’m gonna say Brandy by Looking Glass and call it a day. Y’all know why.
I’m good, I think. My life is probably the most stable for a moment, especially in comparison to the last two years, so I’m flying into 2014 with every intention of knocking that plane off course into something hopefully more interesting than self-destructive.
How are you?
26. Something you are working on:
More generally: I am desperately trying to write something musically inspired enough that I actually feel proud of to put my very insecure stamp on. I’ve complained I don’t have the time to do anything fulfilling and creative in the past, but it’s become so much more a bull shit excuse now than it ever was before that I have to admit that it’s just been laziness and an inability to really focus on anything worthwhile doing. I’ve been writing with almost the intent of being self-indulgent in order to just get something down so I can gain some form of momentum, and then hope that anybody who is subjected to it can appreciate the candor that they’ll forgive me for it later.
40: What do you think about the most?
Nothing good will come of this question. Here we go.
Mostly myself probably? A more self-congratulatory version would probably be “introspective thinking,” but despite the artifice of self-effacement… Christ I’m self-involved, and if it’s not about myself it’s using a form of pseudo-academic theoretical method of hypothetically talking about “other people.”
But I also don’t want to sit here and just passive aggressively self-flagellate because that’s not interesting and for fuck’s sake do I actually think I’m a bad person? I’m a gun that I tinker and toy with for three and half a years in the garage and buy snipers and silences and I just add a little bit more and it’ll be perfect. Just a better job, just a little bit longer at the gym, just a better haircut, just read more and be more a part of the culture, just a whatever and then people will actually want to be around me for more than a couple hours and then I can actually exist in the real world. But if you don’t take the gun out and fire the fucking thing, it’s beyond useless; it’s not a gun, it’s not what it claims to be. It’s a contorted piece of metal hanging on the wall of a museum looking like a pointless relic of an age where self-obsession is a virtue because we each have at least one method of reducing every intricate detail about ourselves to one pink, blue and white page that is designed to be the best and most efficient method of connecting and interacting with like-minded humans by asking us questions about our favorite fucking food.
(so that’s today’s thing I think about the most)
65. Weird things you do when you’re along.
(I feel like this is going to be a bit of an anti-climax)
Um, I sing in funny voices a lot. I dance in my underwear all the time. Like, when the other guys aren’t home, I swear I’m the female lead of a romantic comedy when she decides she doesn’t need that fucking man (right before the point where she does although is this actually a rom-com trope or am I making shit up?). I’ll get a glass of some type of alcohol (not the time for beer) and just go to town. I’ll also vigorously argue with myself, or some hypothetical antithesis of myself, going room to room making wild gestures and getting progressively louder until I get interrupted by something.
“Generals and military scholars will tell you that eight or ten years is actually not such a long time in the span of human history, which is no doubt true, but history also tells us that ten years of martial law and a wartime economy are going to feel like a lifetime to people who are 20 years old today. The poor bastards of what will forever be known as generation z are doomed to be the first generation of Americans who will grow up with a lower standard of living than their parents enjoyed”—
Next Up is a tune I’ve been hoping to get up here for some time now and I’ve finally located a version small enough to upload. This one carries a very hard swing, but the groove changes hands so everyone in the band gets some. Very reminiscent of going to my great-grandmothers church and hearing how they approached the hymns. From Blues & Roots here’s, “Wednesday Night Prayer Meeting”,
Let’s Pretend That It’s Summer - The Brian Jonestown Massacre
Let’s pretend that it’s summer And a bright sunny day And we’re feeling so happy 'Cause the clouds went away As we run by the seaside Heading down to the bay Looking over the water I can hear myself say
Let’s laugh Have fun We’ll smile And run We’ll live For a while Feeling free With a smile
Take down the patriarchy? That's not the goal of feminism. It's all about obtaining equal rights for all. Do you actually care about the fight for equality or are you just looking to scapegoat an entire group? We need male allies in order to make a difference. I call myself a feminist, but I refuse to be associated with you. You're not advocating feminism; you're propagating pure hate.
Liberal feminism made “feminism” about male allies and ~equality so as not to seem threatening to men’s poor feelings because liberal feminists were smart enough to know the consequences from men at seeing a women’s uprising. Libfems made it more appealing to men by suggesting they could be feminists too and they could help too because otherwise men would tantrum (like usual) and there’d be serious consequences for women because of it.
Feminism was NEVER about ~*equality*~ to begin with. It was for the complete liberation of women from men (ie: women’s rights to be 100% left alone by all men forever if they choose to) and the eradication of patriarchy - which would then automatically, inherently give complete equality because there would be NO system of power.
Don’t call me at work again no no the boss still hates me I’m just tired and I don’t love you anymore And there’s a restaurant we should check out where The other nightmare people like to go I mean nice people, baby wait, I didn’t mean to say nightmare
Last night Came home late, let’s say midnight “Midnight” Had to see a guy about a horse “A purple horse” Purple is the last color of the rainbow “Violet” It’s the last color of the spectrum that humans can see with the naked eye “Naked” Then, with my racing heart in my chest, laying in my bed listening to Sufjan, I saw purple in the darkness and my face flashed in the sky “Powderfinger” My imagination took the reigns of an invisible roller coaster spiraling in a constant randomized direction. “Oculus rifts are for the lazy brains” The spiral traveled in the direction of projection of ~pi~ ( along all possible axises ). “3.14… / 3.14… = 1/1 = 1” Lennon said ” I am he as you are me” He said “you are me as I am Lennon” I said “Lennon is he as you are me” You said “I am he as you are Lennon” “We are all together” “Altogether”
Lunch break over, back to work.
Ask me about my fingernail’s ratio to my ribcage. Ask me about my ribcage’s ratio to my apartment building. To my city. My country. My planet. My world. Our world. The world. There’s always a bigger fish. “I hope”